


Back on Ice

by urisarang



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers Family, Drowning, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Hurt/Comfort, Ice, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Temporary Character Death, Tony Stark Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Torture, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 10:48:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20308228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/urisarang/pseuds/urisarang
Summary: Captain America gets captured by an off shoot of Hydra, but these ones have done their research and know exactly how to break the unbreakable.  Steve is made to suffer through reliving the worst experience in his life over and over:  The Ice.Tony and the other Avengers race against time to rescue their missing leader once they realize he been captured and what kind of man has captured him.((written before infinity war and found on my hard drive just now so naturally its AU.  Also civil war/ultron didn't happen))





	1. Capture

**Author's Note:**

> Found this little gem on my hard drive while hunting down another missing fic. Had forgotten completely about it, re-read it and figured I'd share since it was mostly done anyway. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)
> 
> Edit: Heck forgot to add that Civil war didn't happen, neither did Ultron. Winter Soldier movie did happen but Bucky ain't in this. Pretend he's chilling in some secret place getting all the damn therapy idk Set several years after 1st Avengers movie but without all the extra cast I guess xD Don't get me wrong, I love them, but its a handful and a half to write that many people. #coreteam

Steve is out for one of his leisurely rides on his bike enjoying the scenery of the countryside on a beautiful Friday morning. The wind feels refreshing on his face after the long week of wearing his suit fighting doom bots and cleaning up the aftermath of said fights. It was a rough week but the Avengers had worked out a rotation to keep them from getting worn out so he had left the reigns of leadership to Tony and took off to enjoy his weekend. Baring a cataclysmic disaster needing all of them, which have only happened a handful of times, Steve is all set to work out his tension in peace.

He sees a car broke down with smoke coming out of the engine on the side of the road and a woman with white hair waving him down. He pulls off to the side and steps off his bike and approaches ready to help. As he approaches he notices the unnatural glowing white of her eyes a second too late to dodge the blast of ice that hits him full force in the chest. 

His lungs seize refusing to draw air from the shock of the cold dropping him to his knees. The woman smiles down at him with blue lips and cruel eyes. He hasn't felt such cold since he was in the ice, he can feel ice crystals forming on his skin just like back then. It sends him into a panic.

Scrambling backwards he tries to crawl away from the woman who just laughs at him.

"Aww honey, you aren't going anywhere." Her tone is sickly sweet, clearly enjoying toying with him. Ice burns at his skin sucking away even his impressive strength until he falls limp to the ground. He can't even move a finger to get to his probably frozen over distress beacon.

"No. . ." His plea falls on deaf ears as the ice crawls up his face and into his open mouth. Tears form and freeze on his face. Not again, never again. He can't do this over again. The cold suffocating and squeezing his chest makes black spots form in his vision. He knows it's too late, he's already slipping into the blackness once again.

Steve jolts awake an untold amount time later still freezing cold, but no longer actually frozen. He blinks away the fog of unnatural slumber from his eyes and takes in the room. He is bare save for his boxer-briefs, and his arms and legs are chained securely to an upright metal, torture table? The room is brightly lit by over head lights and there are tables nearby by filled with unsettling medical equipment reminiscent of the hydra facility he had rescued Bucky from so long ago.

"Pretty boy is awake." Steve turns his head to the familiar voice of the woman who had captured him. She is leaning against the wall filing her nails seemingly disinterested. 

"Excellent!" A man claps his hands on the far side of the lab and walks forward towards where Steve is chained. "My good Captain! It's great to have you back with us." The small man is dressed in a finely tailored dark suit, he has glasses perched on his nose and a clip board tucked under his arm.

"You've made a big mistake if you know who I am." Steve forces the words out from his throat that is still sore from the ice.

"Oh ho! I think not. You are quite contained here, and your friends? They won't realize anything is wrong until it's far too late. We have a whole weekend of fun planned ahead for you!" The man pulls the clipboard out from under his arm and waves at hand to the woman who puts away her nail file away and advances menacingly towards Steve.

Her hand burns with ice as she places it on his chest. He grunts at the contact and struggles against his bonds but they don't give in the slightest. She trails her fingers down his chest across his abs making them flex and jump beneath her touch.

"Oh you are going to be a fun one to play with." She coos at him with a mocking look before taking her hand away. Steve sucks in a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

"You see Captain, we have been studying you for a very long time now. We've poured countless dollars into researching the best way to take you, we bought vibranuim in small quantities off the black market and crafted these beautiful bonds for you." He bows slightly to the woman in white, "We even procured the services of the ever lovely Killer Frost as both a honey trap and as a test of our hypothesis of your greatest weakness. I do say, it has been a great success all around."

"What do you want?" Steve grinds out through clenched teeth. These guys, who ever they are, clearly aren't new to villainy. They had planned this carefully for a long time, escaping them will be a challenge. His best bet is to get them talking, try to slip them up into giving something away.

"Why everything of course!" The man laughs raising his arms to encompass the room. "I want a world without the Avengers, a world without you, a world I can run my experiments in peace." 

"You and every other villain, but that ain't gonna happen."

"That's where you're wrong Captain. You see I have moles everywhere and I know about the access codes you know and hold as co-leader of the Avengers. With those it would be nothing to pick off each and everyone one of your team in a swift strike when most vulnerable." 

"You're pretty full of yourself if you think you could break me in three days." Steve rolls his shoulders, "Three days is a dream vacation."

"I admire your spirit, that will make it all the more sweeter when you break on the second day." The woman in white digs ice nails into his bare thigh piercing his skin and drawing blood. His muscles flex involuntarily as she drags her fingers-turned-ice daggers up his thigh in a perversely suggestive matter. 

She stops just short of his boxer briefs before pulling away with a pout.

"Pity I can't stay and play, but I've got things to do." She bends down stealing a frozen kiss from his lips. "Something as pretty as you deserves a last kiss don't ya think?" Steve spits the taste of her out of his mouth. 

"A real pleasure as always Ms. Frost." The man says dismissing the woman from the room. Once the door shuts behind her the man turns away and calmly takes his glasses off and sets them on the desk.

"Now that the hired help is gone we can get to the real fun. I wasn't being entirely honest, we do want you for more than just the codes. The serum running through your veins opens up so many avenues of learning. It's a double bonus that the experiments I wish to run will be extremely unpleasant and will no doubt help to wear down that famous fighting spirit!" 

The man claps his hands together in excitement. "Let's get started shall we?" He doesn't wait for Steve's no doubt snarky reply and instead hits a button on the remote he procured from his suit pocket. The floor opens up in front of the table Steve is strapped to and the manacles around his wrists pull up as the unseen chain worked through behind the table rises.

Steve realizes at once that he is about to be lowered down into the dark opening the light fails to illuminate. He looks down and sees that there is a weight secured to the bottom of the chain at his feet. He knows what that means and he struggles weakly against the chains but the cold has sapped all of his strength. 

"I think we'll start off easy and just do an hour for your first time. Need to establish a good base line." The man talks to himself as Steve is lowered down into the hole. He hisses when his foot touches freezing water and he pulls up his legs on instinct even though he knows it won't do any good.

The chains clink and twist as he struggles to keep his body out of the water and fails miserably. The muscles in his legs lock up as they are slowly submerged and he can feel floating chunks of what must be ice cut into his skin as he flails wildly. Once the ice water is up to his stomach his breath comes in panicked gulps at the shock of it. 

Tortuously slow he is lowered until he has to tilt his head back and tread water to keep it above the water and his every move splashes water onto his face making him cough and choke on the water. The crank controlling the chain goes still and he watches as the opening above him closes around the chain making the light fade more and more until he is trapped staring up into the pitch black.

He is alone in the blackness with only the gentle clink of chains and his labored breathing for company. 

Don't panic.

Don't panic.

He repeats this mantra to himself trying desperately to fight the animalistic urge to flail and make it worse for himself. Time has no meaning when you are without your senses, he could have been here an hour for what it feels like, or maybe its not been more than a few minutes. The uncertainty of how long he'll have to maintain control over the desperation clawing its way up his throat makes it that much more difficult to hold on.

Steve's head dips under the water and he takes in a large gulp of water as the muscles in his legs stop listening to him. He thrashes wildly in panic struggling to stay above the water line. He breathes in more water than he coughs out as the his body fails him. 

Hopelessness fills him as he spends longer and longer under the water. He knows all too well what will happen soon, his tears are washed away in the water. His suffering and shame goes unseen and unknown. He can't do this again, he can't drown again in freezing waters. His mind has a funny little dark humor thought that they really did pick the best method to break him.

All too soon he can't even keep his head above the water at all and sinks to just below the surface and the air he desperately needs. He holds onto the breath of air remaining in his lungs, fights against the burn, the need to breathe. Everyone thinks its breathing in water that hurts when you drown, but its the struggle to not right before you give up the hurts the most.

Humans instinctively have the need to breathe so often, and to hold it for a minute, that turns to three, then five makes your chest feel like its going to simultaneously implode and explode at the same time. Steve swallows the air and lets it back into his mouth to lessen the pain trying to trick his body into thinking its breathing, but it only delays the inevitable. 

All his enhancements, his training, his fiery determination, and indomitable will fail him as his lungs burst from the need to breathe. Bubbles burst out of his mouth and he opens up gulping down water and tiny ice particles that cut into his lungs and freezes him from within. He struggles a moment, and then another before going still.

His heart slows and his internal screams begin to die off as his body shuts down. Lights dance in his vision, at first he thinks that he's dying again but the light grows stronger and the watery distorted sounds of chains clinking make him realize that the door above him has opened. He struggles to hold on as the chains slowly crank pulling his head back above the water line.

Pulling from the last dredges of his strength Steve coughs out the water that filled his lungs taking in huge gulps of air. The agony of air mixing with the water leaves him gagging and moaning as he is hoisted back up from the water. Once he is clear of the door that closes under his feet there is sudden slack in the chains that sends him crashing down onto the metal surface of the floor. 

He can't feel any of his body save for his aching lungs and burning eyes as he heaves on the floor curled in the fetal position. The bright lights surrounding him blind him after so long in the dark. He twists his head away from the light but its brightness from even behind his eye lids is too much.

"I expected better from you based on your reputation." Steve doesn't even have the strength to jerk at the voice too close to his ear. "You barely lasted 20 minutes, well they do say never meet your heroes. You will always be disappointed, and you were very disappointing."

Steve blinks open his eyes when he receives a rough slap against his face and regrets it immediately. The blaring light on his over sensitive senses that are just barely coming back online wrings another moan of pain from his lips. He grimaces against the pain and forces his eyes open once more to meet the cold dark eyes near his face.

"I c-c-could d-d-do t-this all d-d-day." He stutters out as his body trembles trying desperately to regain some warmth. The man laughs in his face.

"Good! That's very good to hear, because you see? That is what you'll be doing." The man taps his cheek in mock reassurance. "Since you are so willing to participate I'll give you a few extra minutes to catch your breath before we begin again." The man turns away from Steve and moves back to a desk with a computer bank full of data and a dark screen that is light in varying shades of green.

Steve realizes that he must have night vision cameras installed below to monitor him, he bets the sick monster enjoys watching the fight slowly die out from him. Fury fills him giving him false warmth as his desire to kill the man with his bare hands rises. The man doesn't so much as glance over at Steve as he makes notes and adjustments as he goes over the data he acquired from Steve's near drowning.

Feeling slowly returns his his arms and legs in pins and needles. Steve curls around himself as much as the slack on the chains allow as he tries to conserve what little heat his body is managing to produce. He thinks of nothing but a plan hoping to catch the man off guard by jumping up and strangling with his chains the second his body is capable. The man seems oblivious or perhaps unconcerned with the killing intent directed his way, Steve is hoping that the man has grown too confident with his plan and will not suspect Steve to recover so quickly.

His hopes are dashed when the floor beneath him suddenly slides open without so much as a twitch or look in his direction. Steve slams back down into the water with a splash inhaling water in his surprise. He struggles with his half numb limbs to claw his way to the surface but the chain is completely slack and the weight at the bottom of it is too much for him in his current state so he can't reach the water's surface.

He struggles with all his might, with everything in him but its to no avail. This time his drowning is not a slow leisurely thing, his struggling burns the oxygen too fast and all too soon he's breathing in water. He stares up at the light that slowly fades to black as he loses consciousness. 

He awakens with a literal shock to his heart. His chest lurches up as the machine sends electricity into his heart restarting it. He expels water from his lungs all over himself shaking all over.

"Ah you're not getting out of this that easily Captain. You see with that wonderful serum coursing through your veins I can keep bringing you back. Again and again and again. There is no escape from this, I will drown you over and over again until you're begging me to let you die. Until you give up the codes in exchange for death." The man pulls Steve's head back by his hair forcing him to meet his eyes.

"You will break for me, and I will savor the sweet nectar of your complete surrender. Ah, I can almost hear how sweetly you will beg for it." The man confesses to Steve with eyes filled with a hunger that burns for Steve's suffering.

Steve can't hold back the shudder that wracks his frame at the thought of drowning over and over again alone in the dark freezing water. Ever since he was frozen in the Atlantic struggling for a breath he knows he'll never take again drowning has haunted his sleep. To have to live and relive that nightmare is a fate worse than death. 

What small hope he had before being drowned the second time fades away, this monster knows his weaknesses too well. Steve squeezes his eyes shut as hopelessness fills him. He doesn't know how long, how many more times he can drown before his sanity breaks. The army had taught him that you try to fight against torture for as long as you can but to give in before you break completely. 

Not even Captain America is capable of lasting through agony forever. Every man has his breaking point, Steve has never before found his but it seems he is about to. He resolves to try and last as long as he can, but he knows the man is right. He will break, all he can do is hope that he holds on long enough for someone to come looking for him at this point.

The man moves the machine that had restarted Steve's heart away and stows it back in its place before moving back to the monitors to update his notes. Steve allows a few tears to slip out when the man's attention is elsewhere. 

On and on he is drowned and brought back. The intervals between breathing and not change seemingly at random so Steve never gets a chance to catch his breath too worried about when he'll be dunked again. The man does it differently each and every time. One time he left him in only up to his waist for such a long time ice began to creep up his body and he began to freeze feet first.

It's not long before he's given up being stoic and screams and begs for it to stop, but he can't give up his code. He gets pulled out a few times early to be asked if he's ready and when he says no the man drops him back in without so much as a flicker of emotion on his face. Each time he gets that much closer to giving in.

Steve has no idea of how much time has passed, it feels as if he's always been here. As if he was born into this hell of death and rebirth into more death. The man leaves for a time announcing he'll be leaving his work to an underling but Steve barely notices by that point. The underling continues in his leader's work with the same emotionless expression as Steve is drowned on and on.

The leader returns some time later and asks Steve if he's ready to give in yet, he shakes his head no his throat too raw from screaming to speak. The next downing is worse than the others as a punishment. This time a weight is attached to his back so that when he is lowered he floats on his back with his face just above the water line. Something whirls quietly beneath the water creating tiny waves that splash over his face.

The on and off access to air is somehow worse than none at all. He's left to alternate between gasping in air and choking out water. Steve would swear he was left that way for longer than any of the others, longer than all the other's put together. The moving water prevents ice from forming along his body so he cannot be certain how long he lies there in the dark gasping and spitting water. He can't take this anymore and instead of fighting to breath in the water he tries to gulp down the water, wanting to drown. Anything to end the torture.

He succeeds in filling his lungs with water and smiles as he feels his body starting to die yet again. Please god, just let this end. He prays silently. His prayers are answered when light shines behind his closed eyes lids, but that answer isn't one that he wants. The chains crank up pulling him up from the water and his body spits out the water without his consent. He sucks in a gasp of air and then the chains go slack again dunking him.

Time loses all meaning, his entire world is cold, water and brief respites above. The breaks when he is brought back somehow feel worse than when he's struggling for breath. At any moment the respite will end the not knowing when it will start again leaves him constantly on high alert. If he were any other man his heart would have given out for good long ago, but the serum's curse keeps him alive.

At some point Steve begins to question if he was ever not here. If his distorted memories of the Avengers were nothing more than an escape his mind created to hide away from the hell that is life. Why is is even fighting anymore? His mind slips further and further into the abyss with each death and revival until he gives in.

On and on it goes on when he finally breaks the next time the man asks him. He tells the man his code with tears in his eyes and a silent prayer for his team to forgive him for his weakness. The man smiles down at him and tenderly wipes away one of his tears. He brings it up to his lips and moans as the salty fluid hits his tongue.

"Just as sweet as I thought it would be." The man comments and Steve can't even bring himself to feel shame, or anything anymore. He just wants it to end. No more, please no more.

"I will check these codes to make sure you aren't playing me, but I don't think you have it in you to even try that anymore do you Captain? Mmm yes but one must always be careful." The man hums to himself as he goes over to the computer and begins typing. Steve turns his face away unable to bare watching as his weakness betrays his team.

"Very good Captain, very good." The man claps his hands happily obviously delighted with himself. "I will give you credit for holding out until an hour of the 3rd day, honestly didn't think you could last the second. Ah well that's what science is all about, testing hypothesizes." 

He advances on Steve and kneels down next to him and lifts his face up with tenderness. 

"Are you ready?" Steve nods. "Not good enough, I want you to beg for it. I know, I know your throat is torn from all the screaming, but you can do it. I believe in you." The twisted man's encouragements curl Steve's stomach but he complies.

"Please, please no more. Just, just let me die." The man strokes his face lovingly as if petting a dog that did a trick. "Please."

"As you wish." The man unhooks Steve's manacles from the long chain in the ceiling. He pets Steve's hair one last time before throwing the man over the lip of the opening of what would be Steve's icy grave. Steve lets himself sink to the bottom of the tank, he was foolish to hope he'd be killed in a different way. Of course the this is how he will die, how he was always meant to over 70 years ago.

He only prays that this time it sticks, he can't go through another revival, be it in five minutes or 100 years. He'd blow his own brains out despite how he was always against suicide. Never again. Tony's face haunts him in his final moments, condemns him for the betrayal. Steve begs for his forgiveness, his understanding but one by one the faces of his team mates look down upon him in disgust before turning their backs on him forever.

He drowns one final time alone at the bottom of the tank filled with shame and regret.


	2. Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felt bad about the cliffhanger so here ya go~  
This is loooong for a chapter but didn't really feel right to break it up anywhere so this is what ha get.

"Sir Captain Roger's mainframe access codes have been activated off site and the 'wholey moley' protocol has been activated." Jarvis announces suddenly startling Tony from where he was concentrating on a tweak to his suit. He quickly wipes the design away and pulls up a screen showing where the codes were activated from. It appears at first to be coming from a hotel on the outskirts of Cold Springs a small town in New York, but Jarvis works his internet magic to discover that the IP is being rerouted and bounced through dozens of locations across the world. 

"It will take a few minutes to lock on to where the code was truly accessed from Sir." Jarvis informs him. 

"Give me satellite tracking data of when Steve had left us on Friday baby." Jarvis pulls up the feed and Tony watches Steve drive on his motorcycle fast forwarding until he sees a car up in the road. "Stop there, slow down and zoom as much as you can."

"Yes Sir." Jarvis complies, Tony bites his lip as he watches the over grown boy scout get off his bike and approach the woman in white. He sucks in a breath as he watches Steve go down to a streaming blast of what appears to be frost. The woman picks up the much larger man as if it was nothing so she is clearly not a run of the mill villainess. 

"Sir, the person is attempting to gain access to the Loki protocols." Tony turns away from the feed from over two days ago and quickly types at rapid speed into the console.

"Activate the decoy system and ping the rest of the team the protocols." Jarvis complies instantly. A message is sent out to all the Avengers explaining that they are to move to a designated safe house as if nothing is unusual and to remain there for further instruction and are not to, under any circumstances, respond to any messages not sent directly from Tony himself. 

Tony had set up this protocol without ever informing any of the team, the paranoid bastard that he is. He also had never informed Steve that he shouldn't use his codes outside of the tower, not that the man was likely to ever do so. His paranoia has paid off big this time. 

The decoy system he had set up in safe houses spotted all over the United States and many more countries around the world were all outfitted with life model decoys of all of the Avengers. It was originally set up if any of them had their cover blown and needed to lay low. He had set it up after the whole fiasco with the Mandarin which would have gone so much more smoothly if he had this in place. 

Now its going to serve a double purpose of getting the team safe and setting a trap for who ever had the balls to kidnap their leader. 

While who ever used the codes planned the perfect hits on each of the Avengers, said Avengers would instead go underground and converge on the tower once given the all clear. Once the team is regrouped they would use satellites and security feeds to track their doubles and close in on where Steve has been taken.

Tony turns his attention back to the monitor and resumes playing the feed watching as the woman drives off with Steve. Jarvis tracks the car as it takes its complicated and seemingly random path meant to lose anyone tracking them, but unlucky for them Jarvis is a god at what he does. 

The car comes to a stop and doesn't leave a nondescript building in South Queens for several hours. Tony has Jarvis continue to track the car as he pulls up information and blueprints of the building. Jarvis reports that she eventually exits the vehicle alone and enters an apartment building complex.

"Dig up anything you can on a woman matching that description, check DOD, criminal reports, pull up the lease. I want to know everything yesterday."

"Gladly Sir." Tony trusts in Jarvis to do a thorough job and pours all of his immense intelligence into find out who could be in that building and what kind of defense he should expect. 

A half hour later Jarvis informs him that the decoys are now being tracked and its safe for the team to move. Tony steps back from his research and pulls out his Avenger communicator and calls the team.

"Okay here is the short and shitty: Someone grabbed Cap and got the codes out of him." Tony opens without preamble and the faces of the team staring back at him harden into their battle faces. "I know you'll all be mad as hell at me for this later, but I had a secret protocol or two built in for something just like this. I think I know where Steve is and Jarvis is tracking the one who Cap'napped him. Imma need one of you ladies, the only lady, in fact to go have a girl talk with her. She's gotta be an A class or higher mutant with cold powers and enhanced strength so have fun."

"Oh I plan to." Natasha replies with a twist of her lips that looks like a normal smile unless you know her well, and those that do, know it promises pain. 

"I'll send you a data packet on her and the quickest route, but I'm going to need the rest of you to regroup at the tower so as soon as Natasha gets the information we can show them what happens when they mess with one of ours." Tony's voice is cold and hard, he doesn't take kindly to anyone stupid enough to mess with the few people he has to call family.

There is a chorus of agreement from them all so Tony disconnects the call and gets back to following the money to try and uncover the cancerous center of this organization. 

"Sir I have uncovered information about Captain Roger's abductor, she is rated as an S class mutant that goes by the name of Killer Frost." Tony mutters to himself how that's not at all concerning. "She has a long rap sheet but holds no alliances with any of the major villains, she has worked with nearly all of them at one time or another and appears to be a mercenary mutant for hire."

"Excellent! That means she won't have any reason to protect them, that'll make Natasha's job that much easier. Send that off to her will ya?"

"Already done Sir." 

Over the next hour the rest of the team arrives at the tower one by one and pick up the slack helping Tony research and plan for the rescue mission. They are all grim faced and there is none of their usual banter. Steve would be proud of how professional they are being for once while on a mission, if he were only here to see it.

"In coming video call from Ms. Romonaff."

"Put it up J."

Natasha's face fills the screen, small abrasions can be seen but she looks like her usual put together self. 

"Hey guys. Good news, our Killer Frost has been most helpful." She swing the camera to show the woman with white hair tied to a chair with rope and her wrist bound in what appears to be the same restraints that Thor had used on Loki. Their Asgardian technology working its magic to keep her powers at bay. Tony doesn't know how Natasha managed to get her hands on them and more than a little jealous, but he files that away from another time.

"She was paid to catch and deliver by a man named Atony Guido, who is known in the underground as Doctor Death." Clint curses under his breath. "He is a former KGB interrogation expert and hobbyist in the sport of cataloging the many ways someone can die." Bruce's face turns a little green and has to step out of the room least he unleash the Hulk.

"He is the world's foremost expert in interrogation and torture, but the mortality rate of those who go under his watch is 100%." Natasha takes a deep breath before continuing. "All of those deaths he has filmed for his perverse little collection and all subjects beg to be killed before he allows them to die."

"Okay so we know about the torturer, who is he working for?" Tony can't deal with the thought of Steve. . .so he focuses on details that will help their raid. 

"It appears to be an offshoot of Hydra that had followed Arnim Zola, twisted scientists the lot of them. My little friend here doesn't know much about them, but she has oh so helpfully given me the layout of the defenses she saw when she delivered her captive."

"Excellent work as always." Tony pulls up the file Natasha sent him and casts it to the room in a giant hologram. They quickly form a game plan to assault the base that is 10 times larger underground. It doesn't take them very long to finalize the plans, but due to the information concerning Doctor Death they elect to leave Nat out of it in favor of speed.

Nat's face beeps on his communicator indicating a priority one for his eyes only message. Tony steps out of the war room for a moment and opens it. Nat's grim face greets him and he can see that Killer Frost is sporting a new head wound and is knocked out cold.

"Tony, there is something you have to know. The methods they planned to use to break him, its bad. They plan to use his time in the ice against him. They will have drowned and revived him countless times, using ice to sap his strength so he can't fight. I know about your time in Afghanistan, you're going to need to keep it cool for his sake." Nat looks into the screen sadly, "I know you can keep it together until the mission is completed, but don't let it shock you into making a mistake."

The screen goes black once the message finishes, the screen reflects his haunted eyes back at him. Keep it cool, keep it cool. Gotta keep your head in the game Stark. He tells himself, channeling his rage into energy as he squeezes the communicator that doesn't so much as creek from the strain since it is Stark tech after all. He takes a few moments to recollect himself before heading back out to the war room. He trusts Nat's judgement in not revealing it to the whole team just yet, they'll reveal it later.

Twenty minutes later Hawkeye powers up the jet carrying Doctor Banner who is more than ready to drop a Hulk bomb on the building and cause the utter chaos that will allow Iron Man to slip through their defenses with minimal interference as he bee lines to where Killer Frost had shown where Cap was being held and tortured.

Their plan goes off without a hitch, The Hulk bomb scatters the ranks of guards as he unleashes his mighty rage upon all unfortunate enough to cross his path. Iron Man zooms through hallways blasting his way through the doors and encountering very few and those he does encounter? Let's just say they won't be getting back up again. 

Ever.

One final door to blast through and he'll be at Cap's last known whereabouts. Trepidation fills him as he hesitates. He takes a deep steadying breath preparing himself for what horrors he might find behind the door. Out he breathes and blasts open the door quickly scanning the room and finding it empty. His mind screams at him to be cautious while his worry for Steve urges him to hurry.

Brown eyes dart about the room cataloging and dismissing the contents of the room at a rapid pace as he searches for clues as to where Steve is. The boots of the Iron Man suit clink on the metal floor as he walks further into the room. He stops suddenly when his step makes more a clunk sound. He looks down at the floor and with rising horror realizes he is not standing on a floor at all. Jarvis highlights the barely perceptible lines of the trap door in Tony's display. 

Tony cocks his head to the side and he calculates the best way to force it open without risking a collapse that could hurt Steve if he is trapped down in a holding cell bellow. He uses the precision torch on his finger to cut open the seams wider until he can fit his gauntlets in between and wrenches them apart. 

Below him is pitch blackness and he activates his lights and blinks in surprise as it reflects back at him from the surface of what appears to be water. Jarvis scans for life signs finding none, Tony's heart rate spikes on his display. He prays that this is just where Steve was tortured and that he was moved, the other possibility makes him go cold inside. 

"Jarvis switch to sonar." He commands with a voice that shakes. Jarvis complies and Tony's heart seizes in his chest skipping several beats. His vision goes in and out of focus as he refuses to believe what his display is showing him. Below him under 10 feet of water is the too still form of a man matching Steve's dimensions. 

"Sir, you are exhibiting signs of a panic attack." Jarvis's deep baritone pierces the fog of his mind with his worried tone. The Iron Man suit lurches forward as Tony curls in on himself grabbing at his mask. 

"Get it together, we don't have time for this." He tells himself imagining it was Natasha berating him. "He's drowned and froze before, this ain't so different. I can save him." He pulls himself together and plunges into the water. The high beam lights from his helmet light the murky water full of ice and within a second he can see him.

Tony gently scoops up Steve's limp body taking care to not look too closely at him yet least he panic down here and make things even worse. He rises out of the water and moves with his precious cargo to an open swath of the ground and reverently lowers him to the ground.

"Full Scan and diagnostic." His voice is flat and muted, he dare not let himself feel this. Not yet. He'll have plenty of time to freak out later once Steve is home safe and sound.

Jarvis scans the frozen body taking readings and comparing it to the readings Shield had when they pulled Steve out of the ice the first time. Jarvis estimates that Captain Rogers has been frozen for 8-10 hours and that his life signs had ceased during that time. Judging based off of Shield's data the possibility of successfully thawing and reviving the Captain is good.

"I would advise flying out of here with him still frozen as quickly as Sir is possible of going and returning to the tower so that the Captain may be thawed at an even rate mimicking what was done the first time at Shield." Tony already feels better having a plan laid out. He activates the team comm even as he regather's his frozen leader in his arms.

"I've got him. It's. It's, It's not good. Rushing him out now, don't be too far behind me." He doesn't wait for their responses before turning off his comm instead and blasting his way straight out of the room through the ceiling in the most direct line out of the facility. He takes care to shield the man in his arms from harm and he blasts out of the building like a rocket.

"Jarvis scramble the medical team and give them the sit rep."

"Done Sir." Tony doesn't allow himself to look down, he keeps his head trained forward as he breaks the sound barrier pushing the suit to it's limits. Faster, faster! His mind yells at him on repeat the entire short flight back home. The roof opens for him just in time as he speeds through the opening rushing to the Avengers' medical wing. 

Ruffled doctors and nurses swarm him the second he sets down on the tile. They shout medical terms and short hand at each other that feels like another language to Tony. He is guided to put Steve down in a small tank that he had used for testing of the suit for use in underwater missions. A respirator is fitted over Steve's pale face before buckets of ice are thrown on top of him.

Tony lurches forward then forces himself to back away. These people are the best at what they do, that's why he hired them after all. He has to will himself to step back and let them do their work without his second guessing. He had studied the videos of Steve's revival by Shield and knows that they have to thaw him at a constant rate to prevent tissue damage and system shock once the serum takes over and restarts Steve's heart.

Tony has to look away once Steve is completely covered in ice and the tank is sealed. He pops off his helmet to dispel constant flow of readings on his helmet and for some fresh air on his face. One poor doctor draws the short straw and comes over to explain to Tony that the process will be slow and could take upwards of a few hours. Tony catches the hint and disengages the suit as he is no longer needed to be battle ready.

In that moment he remembers that he should check up on the team. He pulls out his Avenger comm with shaking hands and fumbles twice before he turns his back on. Widow's visibly worried face is the first thing he sees.

"The team has finished clearing the facility and Shield is on the way to collect prisoners." She blinks once, "Doctor Death was not among them." Tony takes a deep breath and looks at the ceiling for a long moment at that blow.

"How is Steve?" 

"Dead. But only mostly dead? I don't know he's. . .We're. . .we're thawing him out now at the tower." He tells her still looking at the ceiling unwilling to meet her eyes.

"Clint and I will hunt him down and bring him in." She promises cold fury evident in her voice, "We'll wait to skin him alive until the group is back together." God he's loves this terrifying woman. 

"Don't give up on him yet, he's strong Tony." Her soft and gentle tone makes him involuntarily look back down to meet her eyes. "Never met someone as stupidly stubborn as him, he'll pull through. He doesn't even know how to quit." She says it with a confidence Tony lacks, but her fierce belief in their leader makes Tony want to risk hoping.

"You just stay with him, Bruce will be there soon to back you up and I'll have Clint pick me up for our little hunt. Stand down Avenger." 

"Yes ma'am." Tony gives her a mock salute feeling a little lighter knowing the team won't be leaning on him and instead will be there for him to lean upon. He disconnects the call and his heart already lighter after Nat's prep talk. 

He blinks in surprise when Bruce strolls in a half hour later, he must have dozed off with his eyes open. He hadn't done that in a long time since it always freaked Pepper out when she caught him doing it. Bruce walks over to the doctors and confers with them speaking in hushed tones for some time before walking over to where Tony has camped out against the wall.

"He's looking good Tony, micro fires between the synapses of neurons have already begun." Bruce takes off his glasses and cleans them off with a cloth, a nervous habit of his before continuing. "I think we'll get a heart beat within the hour."

"Thank god for the serum." Tony breathes out. Bruce gives him a faint smile and inclines his head in agreement.

The next hour has the doctors in the room buzzing about in excitement as Steve's heart begins to beat again. Tony gets up from his hideaway and walks over to look into the tank again. The ice in the tank has melted and the color is already returning to Steve's face. If it weren't for the fact that he's not breathing yet Tony could swear he looks like he's just sleeping.

He knows that breathing is the last step of this and it could happen at any moment so he stays near the tank eyes glued to Steve's face waiting for it. He needs to see it, to know that he hasn't lost one of the people most precious to him. Just shy of ten minutes later it finally happens and Tony is so happy he could cry when he sees Steve's chest *move* again.

There is a small chorus of happy sounds around him from the doctors and nurses that had never before seen Steve's magic Jesus trick. They knew intellectually that it could happen, but seeing it happen with your own two eyes is something entirely different. Slowly Steve's brain lights up with activity as his oxygen starved brain comes back online. 

Any moment now he'll be fully revived and could wake up. His blue eyes could open again and Tony wants nothing more for that to happen. Steve's eyes flutter and scrunch up as if he is in pain and the monitor on his heart blares an alarm. Tony's eyes flick over for a second to see numbers as high as they would be if Steve were fighting for his life.

"He awoke normally last time." Bruce comments with a frown as he checks other vitals and sees adrenaline spiking. "I don't think he is going to wake up friendly." He warns and of course Steve would wake up ready to fight, he's spent the last three days being tortured. 

"All of you back away to a safe distance. No get farther than that." Tony commands the medical staff who oblige exchanging worried looks between themselves. "You too Brucey, we don't need two rage monsters in the room." Bruce bows his head in agreement as Tony summons the suit to him minus the helmet. Steve will need to see a friendly face.

Steve arches his back up suddenly and kicks out wildly shattering the tank and sending water flying. His eyes are open but dialed in fear so large they appear black. He rips the mask off his face with a howl not unlike that of a wounded animal.

"Steve." Tony calls his name taking a cautious step forward hands open and raised in attempt to not trigger an attack. Steve's head whirls in his direction but his eyes are unfocused. "Steve." Tony repeats again slowly as if talking down a wild animal. Steve's eyes look over his shoulder staring at something only he can see.

"No." He whispers, "No please. Please you promised." He begs with his hands held out in front of him as if he were still bound. "I told you, please just let me die." Tony's heart feels like it had when Stane had ripped out the arc reactor. 

"Steve, it's me its Tony. You're safe I promise." Steve shakes his head rubbing his face against his wrists as if denying Tony's words. "Come on look at me. Look you're home now. Home and safe in the tower. I won't let anything hurt you." 

Steve curls in on himself covering his ears with his arms trying to drown out Tony's words. Tony takes a risk and steps out of the suit, Steve doesn't seem to be violent. Steve looks up when the familiar sound of the suit opening pierces the fog in his mind. Tony steps out of the suit and rushes over to Steve.

"Tony?" His voice is tiny and scared.

"Shh it's okay I'm here." Tony tries to sound as soothing as possible but Steve's face contorts and he flinches away from Tony's hands that reach for him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I told him. I betrayed you." 

"No, oh no Steve it's okay. You did good, Shh it's okay." Tony kneels down next to Steve and reaches out again and lightly grasps Steve's bare shoulders and pulls the man's torso over his lap. Steve's muscles are corded steel under his touch that ripple as he wars internally with the desire to push away and hold on.

"Come here, its okay. You're safe now." Tony repeats softly and uses the utmost care to be gentle with his touch as he pulls Steve closer to him. A whine escapes Steve's throat as he strikes out with a hand that grips onto Tony's shirt with force that pops a few seams. Tony lightly cups the back of Steve's head as the man sobs into his chest.

"Shhh it's okay, it's all going to be okay. I'm here now." Tony remembers after Afghanistan how much he craved someone to hold him tight and tell him it was going to be okay. To once again feel affection through another's touch instead of just pain. He's no therapist, but he has had a lot of unpleasant life experience to work with. 

He looks over his shoulder and motions for everyone to get the hell out with a look that leaves no room for argument. Bruce had already left, probably to go drink an unhealthy amount of tea and do yoga. Tony can't blame him, if anything were to trigger the other guy it would be this. Despite all that their leader has lost and gone through none of them have ever seen him shed a tear, but a full break down? 

That should never happen, not to Steve out of all of them. The damn guy was chosen to be Captain America based solely off of his integrity of character, determination, and his frankly sickening all around goodness. All the rest of them have so much red on their ledger, glaring character flaws and life times worth of regrets, but not Steve. 

It's just not right that he has a whole world of loss and pain already but to add his worst nightmare coming true and living in an endless cycle of it? Tony can't stand for it. A cold fury of rage boils within him, but he keeps it bottled up for later. Right now he has to focus on Steve, and a righteous fury isn't what he needs right now.

Tony runs his fingers through Steve's damp hair and whispers meaningless words meant only to keep the silence away as Steve clutches onto him as if he's terrified Tony will disappear. They stay like that on the floor for over an hour, Tony is sure his knees are going to murder him once he stands, but he makes no move to pull away from Steve. Not now. Not when he's hurting and scared like this. He'll build himself new knees he muses to himself if he needs to.

Eventually Steve's hiccuping cries fade away and his death grip loosens. Tony takes that as his cue to lift Steve's head away from his chest so he can look at the other man. Steve looks up at him with red rimmed eyes that threaten to spill over again at a moment's notice but the panicked madness has cleared. Tony smiles down at him thumbing away a tear track.

"Welcome back." Steve opens his mouth then closes it with a frown. "It's okay you don't gotta talk, I talk enough for both of us anyway." Steve's lips twitch upwards slightly and it makes Tony so happy he could dance. "Just nod yes or shake for no okay?" Steve nods once slowly. 

"So as awesome as it is to have you mostly naked and dripping wet. God you have no idea how many childhood fantasies--anyway. What do you say we go get you some clothes and find a more comfortable place to get our cuddle on?" There is that twitch of lips again and a small nod.

Tony's knees creak and crack when he stands up, getting old sucks. He helps Steve to his feet wrapping an arm around that amazing waist taking some of Steve's 200lb weight as the man wobbles to his feet. He leans heavily against Tony's side with his face pressed into the clothed shoulder just breathing for a moment.

"Easy now, just take your time. Don't worry about doing anything but putting one foot in front of the other solider. I solemnly promise to not walk us into anything." Some of the tension eases from Steve's shoulders and he nods again not turning his face away from where he's pressed against Tony's shoulder trying to hide away from the world.

The walk to the elevator is slow going and they run into a bit of a hitch when entering the elevator. Steve starts hyperventilating and his grip becomes painful when the doors of the elevator doors slide shut behind them.

"Hold J." Tony commands and twists so Steve is clutching onto his front. He wraps his arms around Steve's shaking form holding onto him tightly. "Do you want to take the stairs?" Steve buries his face against the arc reactor as if trying to hide, "Or we could take a little break. I'd never say no to being stuck in an elevator with a hot blond." 

Steve hacks out a sound that is more of a cry than a laugh and its the best thing Tony has heard from him since he woke up. Tony moves up a hand to play with Steve's hair again and the reaction is almost immediate. Tony takes note of Steve's weakness to his hair being played with and plans to make use of it often. It's only a few more minutes until Steve nods against his chest signalling he's gotten a hold of himself.

Tony motions for Jarvis to start the elevator, there is no lurch nor feeling of being heavier as they ascend. Tony designed them after all. There is only the quiet wooshing sound of the doors opening. He could have had them silent but he's always loved the sci fi sounds of doors opening in Star Trek and had made sure all side opening doors made that sound when opening and closing. 

The elevator opens near Steve's quarters and it takes hardly any time before they are at his door. Tony fumbles one handed pulling out his Avenger card and opens Steve's door with his override. As soon as they walk through the threshold Steve stops hiding in Tony's shoulder. This is a safe place for him, no one here to look at him, to judge the legendary Captain America for having a moment of weakness.

Steve leads them over to his dresser and pulls open a draw containing pajamas. Tony's lips twitch, of course Cap would sleep in PJs. Steve grabs one off the top and pulls out a pair of pajama bottoms covered in panda chibis. He stops and stares at the pants in his hand for a long moment just holding them out awkwardly when it clicks for Tony.

"Hey big guy how about you take a seat, I've got this. I mean, I usually do the opposite but I'm sure it's the same principal." Tony lowers Steve onto the bed until they are sitting side by side. Steve hands him the pants with his head turned to the side in obvious embarrassment. "Hey now, no shame. Shame free zone with me always. You have no idea how many times Rhodey and Happy have had to dress me after a bender. Or after a late late late night workshop spree for that matter." 

Tony moves to get up when Steve's hand snakes out grabbing his wrist. His chest rises and falls with each ragged breath he takes. 

"Don't." Steve begs out the word eyes flicking to Tony's face and away just as quickly.

"Hey. It's okay. You know me I'm all for more nudity, we can get you into some clothes later. Or never, I'd like never. Shame to cover up your glorious Greek god body anyway." Tony rips his over shirt off his head dropping to the floor and kicks off his shoes as he climbs onto the bed. He pushes Steve over and falls gracefully down next to him. Steve lets Tony move him like a doll re-positioning until they are face to face with covers pulled up over Steve's shoulders. 

Tony tucks Steve head under his chin and pulls him in close. Steve's hands clutch onto Tony's thin black tank top stretching it down revealing more of the arc reactor's light. Tony would be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying this. Wrongest reasons for this to happen aside, having Steve hold onto him like this. . .Having anyone really.

After Pepper and him split he's gone the celibate route, his days of flings are so his 30's and not something he even wants anymore. Sure its been lonely, but a different nightly flavor wouldn't fix that either. God help him, he's matured and wants more than a night of fun. He wants someone to share his life with, crazy life full of danger that it is. 

He pushes down his feelings for Cap, they have no place in the here and now. What Cap needs, what Steve needs, is a complication free friend, Tony would never stoop so low as to take advantage but if he enjoys the way Steve holds on to him a bit too much who cares? He's never proclaimed to be a saint, and saint he would have to be to not enjoy the feeling of having Steve in his arms. 

Tony runs his fingers though Steve's hair and is rewarded as the death grip in his shirt loosens by the minute. The billionaire has had a wealth of experience of being on the other side needing affection but receiving so little, too afraid to reach out. He pours all those lonely nights into giving all the affection Steve could want and more. Steve should never want for anything, he won't have to ask Tony will just give him all that he could want and more until the man has had enough.

Tony has a sudden thought that hits him like a lightning bolt, all of his time in this century Steve has never taken a lover. Has anyone ever even held him like this since he was pulled out of the Atlantic? He knows Tasha has been trying for ages to set him up but the young-old man always brushed off her attempts. Has he been lonely this whole time? God that is an awful thought, Tony presses a light kiss into Steve's hair and holds him tighter. 

Steve shivers in his arms and holds on just as tight. Wetness seeps through Tony's shirt as Steve cries silently into his chest. 

Shit. They really messed up with Steve, took his Captain America facade at face value and never looked at the underneath. At the young man who lost everyone he ever loved and had no one to grieve with. They took for granted assuming his tough man thing was a product of his time, but had any of them ever offered a shoulder to cry on?

"Shhh it's okay. Let it out, let it all out. I've got you." Tony murmurs into Steve's hair as the younger man cries himself out. Eventually he must drift off into the deep sleep that only comes after a good cry. Tony stares up at the ceiling and wonders what he's going to do. He's always been shit at human emotions, he'll have to do some serious research for Steve's sake.

He's a royal fuck up when it comes to full filling someone's needs, but maybe he'll be able to continue guessing right based off his own desires when he was at his worst. He'll have to trust Tasha's judgement in putting him on Steve duty, she knows her shit. Still, he plans to become an expert at record speeds.

Steve's soft breath and warm body lulls Tony to join him in sleep. He awakes with a start reaching a hand out as if to fire his repulsor in a second when a cry of anguish wakes him. He turns over to his side feeling something shaking next to him in bed, but not his bed. It all comes back to him hitting him like a nail on the head. 

"Steve!" Tony grabs the other man's shoulders startling the nightmare plagued man awake. "You're home, you're safe." Steve grips Tony's shoulders in return as he quakes.

"C-c-cold." Tony pushes Steve onto his back and covers the larger man's body with his own until the the tremors subside into softer shakes. "Thanks." Steve says quietly next to Tony's ear. The older man lifts up onto his elbows so he can look at Steve's face.

"Any time and place. Always down, don't even have to ask. I've been there." Steve's face fills with shame.

"I know. But I should be better than this. Tougher than this." Tony shakes his head.

"Nah, you're entitled to be human. You know that right? No one expects you to be Cap all the time, and if you thought that we did you a huge disservice. We all get low. No shame in it."

"That doesn't change that I failed the team. That I failed you. It's not like I haven't had-had it happen before."

"Jesus no Steve. The fact that it happened before to you makes it worse. You think I'd last more than a minute of water boarding? I'd be a blubbering wreck the second the bag was over my head. Shit like that sticks with you. I still wake up screaming some nights and that was years ago. Not to say that it doesn't get better, it does, but it takes time and if you need a shoulder to lean on for a while I offer you my humble services. It's not as nice and comfortable as your godly ones, but I do alright."

Tony brushes a lock of hair out of Steve's face, his fingers lingering and Steve's eyes close involuntarily. "I know you're not the type to go easy on yourself but you have to know that no one would ever blame you." Steve's eyes open back up full of vulnerability. "You did good, hell I wish you would have broke sooner. I may have added a protocol without informing the team, yell at me later, but it was set up for something like this. The code being used outside of the tower has the added side effect of alerting Jarvis to a possible abduction.

"What ever that piece of shit said would happen, he was wrong. Everyone is safe, no one was hurt and Hulk even got to let out some of his rage guilt free on some assholes who had it coming. Widow and Hawkguy are no doubt already busy at work flushing out those who escaped with extreme prejudice."

"D-did you get him?" Shit, shouldn't have brought that up. Stupid, stupid Tony!

"No, but I have every faith in Natasha's single minded devotion to finding him. There is no way in hell she will fail, she's too invested. We'll get that sick of a bitch, you can count on that. Don't think I've ever seen that woman so pissed, all of us are. No one messes with our family, least of all you. You're our heart Cap, this won't go unavenged. I can promise you that, on my word as an Avenger." Tony proclaims placing a hand over his heart.

Steve gives Tony a small smile for that. He always liked Tony's passion about their name, defending it from anyone who dared to call it silly. Steve looks up at Tony with affection, he may be the heart of the team but Tony's heart is just as big. He only hides it better behind a wall of sarcasm. 

Steve pushes at Tony's arm with no force but the man moves without hesitation until they are once again on their sides face to face. It's Steve's turn to brush a lock of hair from Tony's forehead, it does nothing to combat the serious bedhead from going to sleep with product in his hair. 

"I trust you." Three little words that Tony will hold onto. A gift, one he'll do his very best to do right by. Tony's throat constricts and words fail him. To have Steve place his trust in him for something more than Avenger business leaves him feeling fluttery and slightly panicked. Sure the entire team trusts in one another on the field everyday with their lives, but this is different. 

Steve is trusting in him to take care of him, letting him see his most vulnerable side. A side he's never shown to anyone in this time. That's a lot to live up to, good thing Tony excels at pulling miracles out of his ass a minute to midnight. 

They lay there in companionable silence until Steve's stomach rumbles angrily.

"Oh my god! Oh my god I forgot to feed you?! This is why I never have pets, not that you're a pet, but seriously? It's been days since you've eaten and I didn't even think about it. I am hands down the worst person ever." Steve laughs at him surprising them both. God it feels like ages since he's heard Steve's beautiful laugh.

"Shit, okay. So here's what we're gonna do. Jarvis please consult with Banner about a meal plan and have him send up double on the double."

"Gladly Sir, as it would happen Dr. Banner had thought ahead and already completed a meal plan. The food will be up shortly."

"Send him a dozen heart emjois and three, no four smoochy faces." Tony turns back to Steve and inspects the younger man's face before nodding to himself. "So what do you say we get some pants on you before Bruce gets here with the food? I for one will lament the loss of your nakedness but Brucey isn't like me and gets weirded out with anything fun like partial nudity. Which is more than a little hypocritical considering that up until Reed Richards sent over a pair of expanding shorts as a public service, we have all had to see big green's junk more than anyone should ever have to."

Steve looks hesitant but steels his face with his patented determination and nods. Tony reaches over the bed and picks up the adorable Panda PJ bottoms. 

"Hmm how about you sit up, I'll sneak in behind you then you can lean back against me while you put those badass PJs on?" Tony suggests mindful of how Steve reacted earlier when Tony had let go. Steve's face flushes in embarrassment but he makes room for Tony. 

"This is nice." Tony comments as Steve's weight settles on top of him and he wraps his arms loosely around Steve's torso. Steve manages to get the pants on and slides them over his hips hiding away his truly spectacular hipbones from Tony's ogling. Sad. He then rests back against Tony's chest and places his hands over Tony's. Never mind those hip bones, this is much better Tony thinks.

"It is nice, I haven't been held like this since the late 30's." Steve confesses softly.

Jesus Christ, it blind sides him to have his fear confirmed. Fuck. Tony can't get over that, 70 years under the ice not counted he's spent nearly a decade without this? Holy shit that's fucked up. Tony squeezes Steve against his chest tighter.

"Steve. . ." Tony struggles to make words. "God Steve, why didn't you say something? Why didn't you let Natasha set you up?" Steve shrugs in his arms.

"We always had bigger problems, its not like its that big of a deal." He says nonchalantly. "After the last disaster of a missed date I haven't been ready to try risk it again, and these days dates seem so, shallow. She showed me that tinder thing, but I'm not the kind of guy to look for a one night thing."

"Okay. One: that is a big deal. You've been living with me, ME someone with selective memory about the rules of personal space. We could have been cuddle buddies for years Rogers. Years! I've been lacking in that department of late since Pepper left, and Rhodey is gone too long these days. Yup no that settles it, you're my new cuddle buddy." Steve laugh rumbles against Tony's chest. 

"Since I woke up in this time male friends have always kept contact to the bare minimum, when ever you would invade someone's space it always seemed to come off. . .lewd."

"That's fair I am a lewd personified, but I only mean it if the other person lets me. Scouts honor that I'll stop anything the second you say so. But lets get back to the other thing; She showed you Tinder?! The balls on that woman! That's it when she gets back she's grounded for attempting to corrupt the youth. Taking advantage of our sweet and too innocent Captain and showing him the darkest dredges of this generation's hook up scene? Disgusting. I wish I had thought of it."

There is a soft knock at the door and Steve goes ridged in his arms for a moment before forcing himself to relax. He nods and Tony waves his hand telling Jarvis to open up. The door is one of the few in the building (all others are also Avenger quarters) that doesn't have have the whoosh installed. Steve didn't understand the reference when Tony had brought it up years ago and opted for a boring regular door.

Bruce stands at the door way with a heaping tray of food in his arms. He takes a step in then stops in surprise at their positions in the bed but quickly moves past it. 

"Hello Steve, Tony." Bruce greets them polite as ever not commenting on the half naked cuddling going on in the bed. Steve bows his head in greeting.

"Bruce." His normal easy confidence is gone and replaced with uncharacteristic uncertainty. Bruce walks to the bed and sets the platter stacked high with pancakes and fruit onto the nightstand to the right of the bed. Bruce pushes his glasses up his nose a nervous habit before he speaks.

"I hope that this will suffice, it's not recommended that you have anything as heavy as meat for a little while until your body adjusts. Honestly you should be eating nothing but soup, but with the serum I think this will be fine." 

"Looks great Brucey." Tony exclaims, his own stomach growling as the smell of food hits his nostrils reminding him that he hasn't eaten since the breakfast the morning before. 

"Steve." Bruce begins in a gentle tone, "Whenever you're ready, and I am not suggesting now, we have experts in the building specializing with trauma if you want to talk." Bruce's eyes catch Steve gripping Tony's hand tighter. "Or if it would be more comfortable and of us are here for you. Anytime. Just keep that in mind, you won't have to go through this alone."

"I know and um, thank you." Bruce inclines his head accepting that.

"Have Jarvis call me if you need anything. Either of you." He adds sending Tony a pointed look knowing his friend well and his habit to burn himself out for the sake of those he cares for. 

"Okay Momma bear we promise to check in." Tony replies cheekily. Bruce smiles and bids them farewell. 

"See? That wasn't so bad. Now lets eat I'm starving!" Tony proclaims and they spend a moment re-positioning so they both have access to the food. Steve down right devours the first few pancakes before slowing down to a more reasonable pace. They eat in silence until the tray is wiped clean.

Steve falls back on his pillows with a happy sigh. His eyes are already drooping, the serum demanding rest to make use of the calories consumed after running so long on empty. Steve reaches out pulling Tony down with him and spoons him from behind and holds onto him like a teddy bear. 

He is asleep within minutes but Tony is wide awake, never did need much sleep. He spots his Stark Pad to the side of the tray. That's it, he's marrying Bruce. He reaches over turning it on to see a message waiting from Bruce.

Thought you'd be needing this. Please don't kiss me in thanks again. -Bruce

Tony replies back promising his hand in marriage with a dozen animated hearts. They go back and forth joking for a few minutes before Tony decides to adult and check his email, after all, he did disappear off the radar suddenly. He has a forwarded email from Ms. Pepper Potts stating that Tony Stark will be out of office and reach until further notice due to Avenger's business and to contact Stark Industries in place of him. 

Tony shoots her off a message of thanks and gives her a quick little update letting her know Steve is okay in case she somehow didn't already know with her CEO powers. The Avengers' private server has a small update from Black Widow stating that she has met up with Hawkeye and they are going dark while chasing down leads but expect to check back in within the week.

All the important stuff seems handled for now so Tony allows himself to smile for a moment before pinging Bruce for a staff update on who they already have and prospects of psychologists and therapists rated for Avenger level security. Steve is going to need a lot of help, Tony won't let him just suffer through it like he himself had done. 

Do as I say not as I do, a personal motto of Tony's. Bruce forwards him the short list of professionals and they discuss back and forth the merits of each candidate for a long time with added input from Jarvis the Wise until they have the best possible people for Steve. 

The arm that had been resting loosely around Tony's middle suddenly twitches into steel before loosening again. Tony drops the pad on the floor as Steve begins to thrash with more force next to him. 

"Steve." He calls out as he rolls over and puts his hands on Steve's shoulders as he struggles against unseen bonds. The blond man's face is twisted in pain and he keeps shaking his head no with his lips pressed tightly together. "Steve its okay." The tendons in his neck strain and all at once Tony realizes Steve isn't breathing.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Steve's face is red as he fights to not breath in unseen water. Tony throws caution to the wind and shakes Steve's shoulders but he doesn't wake. 

"Steve!" He yells grabbing the other man's face willing him to open his eyes. "Breath God damn it!" He slaps Steve's face startling blue eyes open who sucks into a huge breath of air. He coughs and breathes raggedly, tremors wracking his frame. Tony holds him through it all until eventually Steve's breathing calms down.

Tony rests his forehead against Steve's letting out a long breath. "Jesus you scared me." 

Steve suddenly pulls down on top of him into a hug just this side of crushing. Tony moves his head to the side and squeezes back with everything he's got. Steve's chest shudders as he loses the fight against the tears that spill out. 

"God Tony, it was so bad, so, so bad." Steve confesses tearfully. "He-he drowned me over and over. I lost count how many times h-he brought me back. I couldn't even die Tony. I couldn't-I couldn't. I just wanted it to stop, but h-he never stopped." Tony stays silent as Steve weeps into his shoulder. He knows first hand not to interrupt an outpouring like this least Steve bottles it up again.

"I close my eyes and I'm back there, I'm always there. For a while I-I thought that was all there was. Just dying. Unending death. I thought I was in hell. That it would never end. That I'd- God thank you Tony." Steve squeezes Tony painfully tight, his ribs creak in warning but Tony doesn't say a word. 

What's a few broken ribs between friends? 

"I-I don't think. I'm not okay Tony, I'm not going to be okay. This, this hell in my head it won't go away. Even when I'm awake, it's there. The i-ice is always waiting for me. I can feel it growing on my skin, can taste the water. But-but when I close my eyes its worse. It's like I never left, like when I'm awake with you? That's all a dream of my dying mind. A happy place to hide from the ice."

Steve loosed the grip on the other man much to Tony's rib's joy. He looks into Tony's eyes, imploring, begging for answers. For hope.

"I-I thought of you often, of the whole team. How do I know-how can I be sure that this is real?" 

Fuck, Tony's been there before.

"I felt that way after the cave for a while. I had a totem, oh right we haven't gotten to Inception for movie nights yet. Well its like an item that is special to you, something real that you can focus on and know your mind didn't dream it up. After Afghanistan Rhodey had saved a piece of the armor I used to get out. I always keep it near me when I sleep so I know that I'm awake, that this reality is real.

"I might have just the thing for you up in my room. Been saving it for a Christmas gift but getting you back is like Christmas so I'm counting it. How about after you catch your breath we take a stroll up to my place, well this is all my place, but you know what I mean. I'm sure the change in scenery couldn't hurt either."

"Alright. But can we stay like. . .like this for a while longer? You, and me like this? It helps keep the frost from forming." 

"You got it Cap. Happy to be the most over priced space heater on the planet." 

"Bill me." Steve tells him with a straight face letting some of his dry humor peak out. 

"You couldn't afford me, this is pro bono. Consider it me doing my part for Greek God and country."

***************

Some time later they make it up to Tony's room without running into anyone thanks to Jarvis silently redirecting people behind the scenes. Steve had made the journey up to Tony's in decidedly better shape than he had to his own room. He didn't lean heavily on Tony, but still stayed within a hair's width of the other man as they walked hand in hand.

Tony had never been one for holding hands with significant others, always too busy talking with his hands but he doesn't feel out of sorts holding Steve's large hand within his own. It feels natural, besides he still has one hand free for wildly gesturing when he feels the need-which is often.

Tony walks through the thresh hold of his room but is pulled to a stop when Steve doesn't follow. He turns to look back at the other man who is looking a little shyly around the room.

"Never been here before."

"Right. Well it's my personal safe haven I like to keep separate from the craziness of living with superheroes."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. You're more than just my team mate, have been for a long time now. I should have invited you up sooner. Just never thought of it." Tony swings his free arm wide gesturing to the room. "Mi casa es su casa. Let me give you the tour."

Steve follows him nodding when appropriate as Tony shows him around. From the floor to ceiling windows double as access for Iron Man, to Tony's sickeningly large walk in closet full of every type of clothing imaginable. Steve gives an speculative look to the custom bed, larger than a california king when Tony sits down on it. Tony taps the bed next to him when Steve hesitates to join him.

He overcomes his hesitancy, Tony spent time in his bed without any issue after all. There is just something about being in another person's bed that feels strange to Steve. He hasn't been in another person's bed in this century, and living with Bucky didn't count. Everyone shared beds during the depression, and when they were in the war they never even had the luxury of a bed.

Tony rummages through his drawers then pulls out a box. He tosses into Steve's lap with a nonchalant 'Here'. Steve turns the simple box over in his hands, it's small but heavy. He glances up to see Tony pointedly not looking at him so he looks back down at the box for a moment before opening it up.

He pulls out a pocket watch on a long chain. The metal is cool in his hands and solid. The front of it is his shield painted in dark red's and blues with a bright white star. Steve runs his fingers over it and the smooth texture is identical to his shield. 

Vibranium. Tony had made him a pocket watch in the shape of his shield out of vibranium. Only Tony could be so lavish in his gifts.

Almost scared to see what finery could be on the inside Steve pops open the watch and is surprised when the pale blue light of an arc reactor shines through. The inside opposite of the shield is a functional replica of the arc reactor in Tony's chest. Steve's fingers tremble as he touches the light. A light that will never go out, will be there for him whenever he needs it.

Tears well up in his eyes he's so moved by the gift. He closes the watch and feels an engraving on the back of the watch. He flips it around to read it.

Steve  
A light to guide you in the dark  
nights so that you will never again  
be a man lost in time. ~TS

Steve's vision blurs as tears spill out. 

"You hate it." Tony says in horror mistaking Steve's reaction. He's so choked up Steve can't get words out so he pulls Tony into a crushing hug. "Oh. Okay." Steve laughs wetly into Tony's shoulder as Tony finally gets it. 

"That. This is the single best gift I have ever gotten." Steve tells him once he gets a hold of himself. "It's perfect. Thank you."

They end up dozing on and off in Tony's bed the rest the day, Steve wakes up whimpering or struggling every time but it takes less and less for Tony to calm him down. 

Tony knows better than most anyone that the road to recovery is a long one full of twists, turns, and major set backs. But as he looks down at the slumbering man in his arms and the tower full of people willing to put their lives on hold for his sake Tony is hopeful. He won't go through this alone, Tony won't let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how I said I just needed to 'tweek' the ending? Well I read through it again, stole like 5 paragraphs, shoved them in chapter two and yeeted the rest of it straight into the trash. 
> 
> So I'll be having to write the epilogue from scratch which will take an amount of time, but at least you won't have to wait on a cliff hanger I guess? :D

**Author's Note:**

> Split into chapters cause its bloody long for one go IMO. I will have rest posted up this week as I tweak the ending cause I already have too many long form stories on my plate as is. 
> 
> . . .until then enjoy the cliff hanger >:D


End file.
